Sacrifice
by Erkenbrand
Summary: This is my first fan-fiction to explore the meaning of sacrifice in a relationship. R/M centric
1. Chapter 1

Sacrifice

**Hello, this is my first fan-fiction based on the characters in The OC along with others made up by me. Please bear with me if you find any grammatical or spelling mistakes as it takes time for me to learn and for you to explore the story. Any constructive comments are welcome.**

Prologue

People always say it takes two to tango. As true as it may be, they have left out the most important criterion. What does the word 'two' mean? A couple very much in love? Or two strangers from different world who will eventually knit together and become one? The possibility doesn't end right there. However, if someone loved the other enough to act as substitute in a relationship even though both understand they're never meant to be, would the god have pity on them and grant the two a happy ending? Somehow , it is just another mystery in the name of love.


	2. A journey has begun

**Chapter I A journey has begun**

"So this is Newport?"

"Yeah. This is Newport," The woman with the Aviator sunglasses on paused for a brief seconds when she stepped out from the airport. The words she had just said seemed to have some kind of weight on her which caused her breath coming out in a rugged pattern. Drinking in the sight of the surroundings, she noticed the changes of this place compared with her last visit five years ago. "God, was it really that long ago?" she murmured beneath her breath. However, if she was completely honest, she might admit that the place was no longer familiar. The airport was renovated and was doubled in size than it had once been. And the people…well, she wasn't certain about that but any wild guesses could tell it didn't take long for a person to change, let alone five years. Besides, she wasn't totally detached from her friends and had been informed beforehand that her best friend, Summer, was expecting her first child in less than a month's time with her husband, Seth. Her mum, the famous Julie Cooper-Nichol-Cooper had taken over the Newport group and surprising enough managed to keep up the work as a CEO, just as she had always dreamt to be. And Ryan…a name she hadn't brought up for a while, was doing fine according to Summer. She had heard that he moved in with a girl called Stacey, whom he met in college, and the two were now living happily together and ever after. Right, that's the end of story.

Shaking her head in disbelief, she refused to let her thoughts travel further. This had been her own way to deal with hard times concerning with that particular matter and experiences had proved that it worked; at least that's what she thought. So why not now? It wasn't like she had any sources of help back then, she was sure that this time was no different. Luckily, she did not have to continue with the debate just yet as a voice called from the back. "Maris? Are you okay? You look like you have an electric sock," Jack asked with concern written all over his face. Damn. Marissa cursed silently. She had completely forgotten his existence just now and, to make matter worse, she was zoned out because her thoughts were lingering on another man even though she had already got the impeccable boyfriend on her side. It was, in any way, unforgivable. As if trying to lessen her guilt, Marissa flashed a loving smile at his direction and immediately broke into laughter when she caught the sight of Jack nearly tripped over with his hands full of their luggage. "Hell, do we really need all these? I thought we're only here for a couple of days." "Oh, so you're now complaining? My fiancé was the one begging to come with me or so I thought," Marissa said with a mischievous grin. "I am not complaining…wait, what did you say?" Jack asked. "I said you're complaining," Marissa giggled whilst enjoying her little tease. "No, after that." "Fiancé. I can take it back though if you don't like— her comment was cut by Jack's lips crashing into hers, letting the herbal mint of his breath danced with fruity lip gloss of her own. When he finally pulled apart, she was left with an amazed smirk on her face. "No, I want you to say it more. I can never get enough of you." Marissa has realized the reason she had fallen in love with him. He always viewed her as the centre of the world, as if her beauty banished the twinkling stars from his sight. And just now, she was reminded anew of her fortune to have Jack of all people to be her fiancé.

"Come on. We're getting late. You don't want Summer to wait for us, do you?" "Whatever you say, your highness." "Good. So let's get all your stupid luggage down here. We're getting a cab to Summer's." "You're so cute when you're being bossy," Jack laughed. He was not going to let the chance passed without teasing her a bit. "And who is being a bitch now?" Marissa playfully slapped his back before embarking on a journey towards the unknown end.

Later that day, when they finally pulled up at the front lawn of a bungalow, Summer was, as expected, the first to greet them. She immediately pulled Marissa into her arms followed by tears of joy rolling down her cheek. Jack simply watched the two entwining in a tight hug after exchanging a knowing glance with Seth, who appeared from nowhere but just in time to catch this lovely scene.

"Wow, Coop. You look gorgeous. I bet the spell of love has something to do with the glow on your face," Summer said with a wink when she released her. "You look— Marissa shifted her gaze from the brunette's head to her belly and back to her face again whilst searching for a right word to say. "You look like you have swallowed a ball." At that, the two burst into a series of giggles. "Well, that's because I am carrying my baby. Little Cohen Roberts," she announced proudly with a broad smile as a ready-to-be mother.

"Gee, I am so sorry. I didn't notice you're here. Are you mad? Cause you cannot be upset with me, you know it's the hormone thing…" Summer tried to explain when she suddenly realized they have another guest out there waiting, who began to wonder if he would ever allowed into the house, "Jack, right? Marissa talks about you all the time." It sounded normal enough for an opening statement, especially one from your girlfriend's best friend, he thought. Even though he was told to prepare for embracing the surprises once he got to meet her friends. "I hope they're all good things." "Sure, she told me you're an ass." Jack's face fell as if he was annoyed. "But a hot one. I am kidding of course," Summer quickly added. "Where's all the humour from?" Seth chimed in and at the same time, kissed her nose tip. "Let's get inside, shall we?" "That's a good idea."

They shared a decent meal wrapped in plenty of laughter. In between goofs and sarcasms, Summer cleared her throat and said something that sent shiver to Marissa's spine. "Tonight is great fun. You guys, why don't we have a gathering at Atwood's mansion tomorrow?" Summer suggested, oblivious of the sudden change in Marissa's facial expression. "Sum, I am not sure about that…I don't even know if he'd like to see me after all these years," Marissa said upon a shaking voice. "Coop, he misses you just as much as we do. We're friends, remember? To the fantastic four," she toasted. To Marissa, Summer seemed to have stressed on the word 'friends' but then maybe she heard it wrong. There wasn't space left for a name of the past and they all knew it. Reaching for her glass, Marissa swore she can see the reflection of her old shelf. May it be only an illusion, she wasn't sure any more. Nothing came certain these days, she finally decided. God, what's with her today? Meanwhile, Jack was feeling strangely out of place. Sure, Marissa was his fiancée and Summer and Seth were her friends so supposedly that made them his friend as well. Perhaps, whoever stated it should look at things at his position before giving a new annotation to the saying. Wait, what is this Atwood guy about? But at this moment, with Marissa sitting by his side, sharing a feast of joy together, it is enough. At least for now.


	3. A night to remember part 1

A/N I am really sorry for the long wait as this post comes longer than I expect. Due to the length of it, I am going to divide it into two parts and the second half will be upload soon. Though it may not be a great post, it is the kind of chapter that marks the turning point of this story. So please review and kindly leave your comment. Thanks for all the reviews (though there isn't much…) Anyway, enjoy the chapter.

**Chapter II A night to remember (part 1)**

A cold splash of rain hit the windows with full force, making the surroundings nothing but a blur. With some difficulties, Marissa pulled up at a white-walled mansion which was the exact place she had been dreading herself to go. Getting out of the car, she was struck anew by how much the house resembled the model home in the distant memory. It was the place she was rejected by his hurtful words "We are from different worlds." The place where they said goodbyes. "Are you saying we're over?" Though it always appeared in her dreams, she never thought she would come back one day as there're too much memories she had been struggling to forget. However, as fate could have it, she was back to there again. As if an old habit was recovered, Marissa took out a mirror from her bag involuntarily and checked her make-up for the last time before ringing the doorbell, hoping a nice look could give her some confidence. Yet, her new gained self-esteem had clearly vanished when the door was pulled open, revealing the man in her dreams.

"Marissa?' Keeping his gaze on the delicate face, Ryan let himself sink into those sapphire eyes of her. They sparkled through the dim light which cast a tender glow over her porcelain skin, making her step out like a Greek goddess from the myth. Marissa, on the other hand, kept starring at the now half opened door, as if hoping there's something that could distract her attention from those ocean blues she had always got lost in whenever she met his gaze. Despite the wetness, she felt herself burning when his eyes traced along the hem of her soaked dress. She knew for certain that the blush had spread over her face, betraying her last attempt from looking like a complete idiot. Finally tearing his intent gaze from her reluctantly, Ryan ran a hand through his sandy brown hair and gave her the best apologetic look. "Uh, do you want to come in?" He couldn't believe that he didn't just kill himself already after blurring out the stupidest question ever. Good, his faint hope for acting cool was gone as well. Looking back, it always left him in awe to wonder how she could drive him crazy by as much as an effortless blink. Lucky for him, Marissa didn't seem to notice his uneasiness at all. Instead, she simply gave a quick nod to acknowledge the offer before hurried into the house.

"So, where's Seth and Summer?" Marissa asked casually whilst pulling her tresses into a loose bun. "They are not going to make it tonight. Summer is having a rage blackout about how she can't fit into any of her dresses and refuses to get out of the house," he said matter-of-factly. Marissa first frowned upon the absence of her best friends but couldn't help but giggled when a nagging Summer came into her mind. "And Seth, being the royal escort, is therefore stuck at home," Marissa added as an after thought. When she finished, both were amazed that they could complete each other's thoughts like the heartstrings were reconnected for the first time in years.

--

For a moment, silence returned to fill the room as they were lost in their own thoughts, mostly trying to replay the brief conversation which had just trailed off and pondering this evening's events that had yet to be unfolded. The comfortable silence continued to thicken until Marissa caught a slight sniffle. Mentally kicking himself for not noticing her dripping clothes earlier, he rose from the chair promptly to get her something that could keep her warm.

"Do you want a towel or Stacey's outfit?" She heard him shouting from the background. Stacey…who was officially known as his long term girlfriend and the hostess of the house she was now standing in, crossed Marissa's mind for the first time since she arrived there. It wasn't like the name triggered off any sense of hatred by the mention of it, nor did she expect to avoid it all night long. After all, she would be way more annoyed if he had called her "sweetheart" or other names of affection even though she could hardly picture Ryan Atwood as a sweet-talker. But then, why did it even bother her at the first place?

Meanwhile, Ryan emerged from the bedroom with a pink sweatshirt and a pair of boxers. Noticing her starring, he knew more explanation was needed. "I know you'd be uncomfortable in Stacey's clothes so I bring you these," he began to unfold the sweatshirt and revealed the words "Berkeley" printed across the chest. "But how can you—I thought it's lost," she gaped with a dramatic laugh. "Well, you didn't bring that with you when you left but I decided to keep it for you, knowing you may need it one day. Just because we couldn't go to Berkeley together doesn't mean that you can't own your Berkeley sweatshirt." She could see the flash of hurt in his eyes by the mention of "we" but decided to say nothing. "I don't know what to say…" "Thank you? I suppose," he said with his famous half-smile. With that, he was rewarded by a beautiful appreciative grin.

--

After what seemed like forever, Marissa finally returned to the main room, only to find Ryan brooding by the dining table. She doubted if he noticed her existence, and for a flick of seconds, she somehow suspected if she had anything to with that. Quietly approaching him, she placed a hand on his back but immediately regretted her act as he seemed to be shock by her touch, a hint of confusion evident in his eyes. It took him a while before he came to life, seemingly unaware of what happened just now. "Is everything alright?" her voice filled with concern. "Yeah, I am just thinking…" She took a seat beside him, her eyes never leaving his. Once she was close, she squeezed his hands reassuringly whilst encouraging him to continue. "Remember the last time when it was raining in Newport?" he paused to take a deep breath, "Lindsay just left and I was heart broken. Letting the rain crashing down on my shoulders, I started to feel the overwhelming pain all over again. Then there I thought, people just come and leave like the rain, quick and without a trace. At least, that's the way things are like in my life," he said with a nervous laugh. She was astonished by the sudden emotional outburst; it just wasn't something you would expect from Ryan without pressing him to talk. Reaching for his shoulders hesitantly, she tried to look beyond those deep hollows and reached into his soul, just like he used to when something was bothering her. Only that was, she reminded herself, long time ago. "It's not going to happen again, okay? You have Sandy and Kirsten, Seth and Sum, not to mention the new addition to the family soon," Marissa murmured in somewhat of a motherly tone. Her voice came in like a gentle breeze, sending the familiar butterflies to his stomach. "And I have you…"the words slipped out of his mouth before he even had a chance to stop them. Failing to see any signs of uncomfortable in her eyes, Ryan gathered the only courage left in his heart. Deep down, he always knew that he couldn't live with the burden forever. Not only because it wasn't completely fair to Stacey, who he suspected, had found out his secrets from the beginning but surprisingly showed no reaction; but for the simple truth that Marissa was the only girl he ever wanted and would forever be loved. The clock was ticking now, and he knew his courage was slipping away with every passing second. Damn, it had to be now or never. Before his consciousness rushing back to get hold of his mind, he cupped her face whilst drawing her closer to his embrace in a swift motion. Ryan could almost count the freckles that he loved so much on her face now, their nose tips briefly brushed, causing the shivers to surprise them both. They gave in then to everything that had been building since the outbreak of the night by closing in the mere gap between their lips. That was, until there came the buzzing of her phone at the very moment.

Pulling away instantly, Marissa reached for the phone almost too desperately. For reasons that she couldn't fathom, wouldn't admit to herself, she felt a sense of guilt washing all over her body when she saw the caller's ID: Jack.

"Hey, I just want to see if you have got there safely." "Yeah, I'm fine except for getting myself totally wet. Look, I'm sorry. I should have called earlier," Marissa signed upon hearing his sweet voice, feeling much worse than she already was. "No, I understand. Have fun with your friends, I'm sure you guys have a lot of catch up to do. You know what, maybe you should stay there for the night as well. It's pouring outside and I really don't trust you enough to let you drive alone on the slippery roads. Just promise me to be careful, alright?" his words filled with concern at the other end of the phone. "Are you sure? I can drive…" "Come on. It's no big deal. Besides, it's not worth to risk your life over the long drive. Right, tell your friends that I say hi. Love you," Jack said before ending the conversation. "Ok… if you say so. Love you too."

It didn't take a genius to notice that Ryan Atwood was heart broken. He had been watching the emotions that played across her face from the corner of his eyes ever since the moment she pulled away from his grip. Although he couldn't hear the whole conversation, her genuine smile assured him that she was in love, and it did no avail to the hurt he was feeling inside. Of course, he had the right to blame whoever on the phone for interrupting; destroying the precious moment they had dreamt for long. But as the painful realization sank in, he knew he couldn't hate the guy who made her happy, just as he couldn't be mad at her for choosing the phone over him.

Just as he was grieving over the kiss that didn't happen, Marissa had already got off the phone. The way that she bit her lips nervously let Ryan know that she was onto something and it wasn't a good sign. If possible, she only became more seductive by every move that she made.

Finally, after drawing a long breath, Marissa said something that would change the course of the night forever.

"Can I stay here for the night?"


	4. A night to remember part 2

**Chapter III A night to remember (part 2)**

Awkwardness crept in and gradually drained away the vague memory of the intense sensation brought about by the question spinning around his mind. Setting the barely- touched grilled cheese aside, both were lost for words and neither knew how to escape from the strait that they had subconsciously got themselves in.

"You still make the best grilled cheese in town," Marissa ventured. "What a nice way to show your appreciation by leaving the plate full, Cooper," he smiled briefly to let her know he was joking. "I'm just being polite. It seems to me that you haven't learnt a tiny bit of manner after all these years in Newport," a smirk visible on her face. "Well, time doesn't make you a sophisticated beauty after all. I think that explains a lot." He decided to play the game along. Chimed in was the light-hearted laughter until the conversation made the unexpected turn. "So, tell me your life after we graduated," Marissa asked casually whilst tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. Like a commonly asked question in a job interview, it sounded nothing but ordinary. As Ryan pondered over the words, he supposed he could talk about how he found a job at one of the leading architecture companies in the country shortly after college graduation, maybe about how he fell in love with Stacey in his senior year as well, who by the way was now a nurse at the biggest hospital in town. But life wasn't as smooth as it seemed, at least it wasn't anywhere near the truth in Ryan's definition after the eventful night that haunted him still.

_After three and a half months traveling constantly between hospital and home, Ryan was exhausted to the point that his swollen eyes could no longer made out the way home. He couldn't remember the last time he had slept more than a couple of hours, which always left him in cold sweat after yet another nightmare. The accident kept replaying in his mind till he abandoned the idea of sleep, and the worse of all was; however he wasn't sure if he was okay to let go of the dream as she looked alive in the nightmares. Though horribly bleeding, her soft moan gave him hope to hold on, unlike the way that she lay lifelessly in the tangle of capillaries which supported her fragile body now. If only one could call that a life…_

_For the first time in his life, he prayed, hoping a miracle could save them both. Looking back, he wasn't sure if it was the tears in his eyes that made God to answer his prayer; but he supposed it didn't matter at all compared to the fact she woke up the other day. His Marissa came to life again and suddenly so did he._

_But just as everything seemed to return back to the way they were, fate decided to play a trick on them. Instead of heading to Berkeley as they have planned, Marissa took the turn to Greece, leaving the bruises of her former self behind once and for all._

_Ryan found himself engulfed by the familiar ache at the announcement of her departure but at the same time, he knew that she deserved a chance to happiness, even if this meant breaking his heart. He wasn't ready to let her go nor would he ever be able to live without the girl he felt in love with at the end of Cohen's driveway, he realized. However, it was too late now. His chances were gone since the moment he broke up with her over the stupid phone, and all he could do was to make the final sacrifice by subduing the tingle he gets whenever she is around._

_His thoughts drifted back to the day when they said goodbyes before she got on the plane. With tearful hugs, they swore to keep in touch as friends. He thought about that sometimes, what his life would become if he volunteered to call her regularly, maybe even sent a letter or two to tell her how he really felt, instead of waiting all night for her call. He couldn't remember if it was Stacey who dragged him out from the castle he created or it was him who finally got tired from the endless struggling and waiting, but in either ways he eventually accepted that she would never call._

Pulling back to reality, Ryan saw the confusion on her face when he didn't answer right away. As much as he would like to yell at her face for all the sufferings she had put him through, Ryan also knew better than to start a fight at times like this and frankly, he doubted if she would care at all. "You know…not much. I went to Berkeley and was lucky enough to land on a job at the architecture company I am now working at, which I'm sure you have already heard from Summer," Ryan said. Knowing that he wasn't telling the complete truth, Marissa decided to against the idea of pressing more information from him. They still had a long night for that after all.

The rain was getting heavier outside, as did the intensity of their conversation. They talked about lives at present whilst filling in the missing information of their pasts for each other. "Do you want to watch a movie? I happen to have the best DVDs collection, just so you know," he asked halfway down the chat. She replied with a nod, making herself comfortable by adjusting the cushion. "Let's see what I have got. We can watch Spiderman, The Godfather, The Gladiator, Pirates of the Caribbean and well, the Notebook," Ryan flipped through an assortment of movies, all of which are displaced systematically in a wooden cabinet. Marissa wasn't paying much attention to what he said until she heard the last name being mentioned. Her eyes sparkled from amazement and like somewhat of a reflection, she met the same goofy grin on his face. "We don't have to watch the Notebook, you know. I mean I want to but…I don't know. I am fine with whatever you pick." Marissa said with a slight blush. To which, Ryan simply shrugged in response.

The movie began to roll. With the faces of Noah and Allie came to sight, Marissa's attention was, however, wavered to the loving gaze darted at her direction from time to time. Finally giving up her faint attempt on ignorance, she stared into his eyes with anticipation she couldn't quite explain. It wasn't like she expected anything to happen in a flicker of seconds but somehow, she just couldn't tear her eyes from him.

Without warning, the background sound coming from television was defeated by the flash of lightening, cracking the skyline into pieces. Reacted to her instinct, she immediately snuggled up to his strong arms, seeking for comfort as if she was frightened by the booming blast. Ryan, sensing her insecurities, tightened his grip around her shivering body whilst murmuring in a tenderly tone to calm her nerves down. "Shh…It's going to be okay. I am not going to any where."

Marissa found herself relaxed upon his voice, and in a daze, she could saw the sparks leaping from the ocean blues of his. And suddenly, the beam on his face was no where to be seen, all she could make out from the steady expression was a look of determination.

…**Now, say you're a bird.**

**If you're a bird, I'm a bird…**

"Marissa…"his lips quivered, painfully aware that the feelings bottled up had burst through the invisible lock which he could no longer deny. "Don't say anything, please?" her eyes were almost pleading with him. The idea of being rejected was scary enough and him saying the words aloud only made it a hundred times worse. If this was the end of their brief encounter of the night, she was hoping to spend the remaining time remembering his touch, breathing in his refreshing scent instead of having her dream scattered by a hurtful reject. With the thought spinning around her head, she let her worries sink in by closing her eyes contently. For an instant, she thought he would simply play it off with his usual sense of composure. But never could she imagine what was going to happen when Ryan's lips crashed into her own. Marissa was surprised by the sudden burst of passion and it had taken a beat too long for her brain to register this was actually happening. Without slightest hint of hesitation, she returned the flavour, trying to convey everything she was experiencing at the tiny fraction of seconds when their lips collided. Getting lost in the new-found paradise, both tried to impress each other by deepening the kiss to an intensity that neither had ever felt, as if trying to compensate for their years apart.

With the movie continued playing on its own,Ryan and Marissa pulled away just far enough to draw a breath of fresh air before returning to their mind-blowing kiss.

…**Why didn't you write me? Why? It wasn't over for me, I waited for you for seven years. But now it's too late.  
I wrote you 365 letters. I wrote you everyday for a year.  
You wrote me?  
Yes… it wasn't over, it still isn't over…**

To which, they smiled to the line in union, both knowing that the movie might come to a halt eventually but their tale had just begun.


	5. A step to nowhere

**A/N The last chapter being added to this story dated back to a year ago. It was for the simple truth that I have lost the desire to continue writing when it came into a strait that was seemingly of no way out. But then I knew it's very irresponsible of me for doing so and it's with this thought that I decided to resume writing. I sincerely apologize though for not making up my mind earlier and also for the looooooog wait. Please continue the amazing reviews that you guys have once made. I really appreciate and treasure them with my whole heart.**

**Disclaimer: I did not own the characters of the OC, a fact much to my disappointment.**

Chapter IV A step to nowhere

Ryan gently scooped her body into his muscular arms and carried their passionate kiss back to somewhere private. While he was aware of the lack of human figures that could possibly block their way, or interrupt the spur of the moment they had been craving for so long, it was somewhat of an instinct whenever his action was linked up with Marissa Cooper. He had to make sure that everything was perfectly fine so that he could be a step forward to measure up against her flawless self. Not that it would be possible in all honesty, but Ryan lifted her up with extreme care and caution nonetheless for he could not afford the vaguest possibility of losing her ever again after the encounter for tonight.

The less than a minute walk from the dining room to their destination seemed to have posed another fiver year of separation on them, as such desire was clearly reflected in the sapphire eyes of hers. It was then Marissa decided not to waste the passing seconds anymore. She started by working her way through unbuttoning the mere material that separated them form the long-awaited connection, grazing her fingers upon the polished skin a beat more than necessary. With the help from Ryan, a pool of garment was formed on the floor, revealing his tan muscles. Had there been any hint of uneasiness in her eyes, he would have been blind to notice anything except for the plain desire as to what was about to happen. Taking in her delicate beauty whilst caressing the silk-liked skin, Ryan allowed his gaze to captivate every drop of the unfolding sight at the gentlest touch of his fingertips. Despite the heat of the moment, he swore to himself that he would be the gentleman as he always did.

"Are you sure you want this? We didn't have to do anything if you're not ready."

To his surprise which was quickly replaced by worry, his words hit the surroundings with no answer. "Marissa?" he tried to calm his nerves down but was troubled by the building anxiety which baffled him to no end with each passing second.

With hesitation evident in her voice, she let the answer slipped out of her lips. "I can't…we can't. I am so-o s-sorry, Ryan," she then sobbed into his shoulders, letting the sorrow engulf her state of mind. Watching as she cried herself out, Ryan tightened his grip on her limp body whilst trying his best to dismiss the sign of disappointment which was no doubt in display on the tiniest twitch of his facial feature. "Marissa, too long have I dreamt for this moment. Being here with you has already fulfilled every fantasy that I have ever craved for. Shh… it's okay. We're okay…" "No, you must hate me… you got to trust me that I never meant to hurt you," her watery eyes were begging with him. Should it be true in some ways, he said nothing and let the thickening silence to be her comfort as he figured out that the solace was beyond his ability to offer.

Meanwhile, Marissa, sensing his despair, surrendered to his arms. She willed herself to be melted at the heat radiated from his body and hoped in all her night that the sense of guilt would be carried away by his soothing touch.

"You all right?" his voice was muffled by the surroundings as snuffle was clearly still in dominance. He seemed to be using an awful lot of the phrase recently that it almost became his job to keep everything in check. "I-I don't w-ant to leave-ee," she murmured into his chest. Placing a finger beneath her chin, Ryan felt the small figure being manacled to his embrace only dug deeper as if to protect herself from the inevitable. "Then don't go, stay with me." Holding no confidence as to what her reply would be, Ryan kept his tone light so that it sounded more like a mere suggestion than an urge laced with ardent desire.

To his utter surprise, however, the reply came in half a struggle which filled his cavity with luxuriant aroma. "There's nowhere that I want to be," she declared. And with her words still lingering in the air, it rekindled every dream that was left at the break of the night, filling the hollow being with hope again. Ignoring the cloth which tore their union apart, Ryan closed his eyes with contentment for the first time in a while and concentrated on living the moment instead. The uncertainty of the morning after must be hiding somewhere in the room, tossing and turning whilst waiting its turn to lash out the otherwise unknown destruction on the people involved. Had he acknowledged its presence, he would have made no intention to dwell on those implicit facts. She was there, cuddled up to his side, and none of the things mattered for now.

Ryan Atwood did not even realize how wrong he was.

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**Not much is going on for the time being. However, the encounter of Marissa and Stacey (aka Ryan's girlfriend) will be set into motion in the next chapter. Remember to check it out. **


	6. A meeting point

**A/N Thanks for the reviews from **_**larinhastar**_** and**_** chinocoop81**_** and others who have been reading this story. I really appreciate all the support. Hope you like the update. =)**

**Disclaimer: As usual, I don't own any of the characters of the OC.**

Chapter V A meeting point

Ryan's POV

I awoke to the rays of sunlight streaming through the windows, provoking a sensation of reborn as a ghosty smile found its way to the crook of my lips. Pieces by pieces, the course of the night weaved into a clearer picture in my mind as I struggled to justify if it was yet another product of my imagination. Too long had my life been a shadow of memory that I gradually transformed into the skeptic who I was always accused of being. But in all, I was certain that if I did look like a twenty-three year old when I want to bed last night, I suddenly felt as if the clock had been turned and the innocent adolescent came to light again. Just as I was totally immersed in the joy of becoming young, my arms knew better than encircling the intangible dream bubble and spanned the length as far as they could reach instead. It was then, I realized, the warm body which was supposedly curled beneath the quilt was no where to be seen. She was gone, and for that I knew I was once again drowned in the eternal darkness.

Allowing the heart ache to consume me, I clutched at the messy bed sheet in the hope of savoring her scent. At that time, I was oblivious to the sound of the door cracking open before my eyes, revealing a svelte silhouette which withheld a strong sense of déjà vu.

"Stacey?" her name caught in my throat and sounded strange even to me. She gave me a grin and approached me with a cup of freshly brewed coffee like a repeat of any other morning. "I see that you are awake. Ready for breakfast yet?" Like a child who was caught at the scene, I was at a lost of words whilst my mind was in debate as to whether I should ask the question that was burning my tongue. "Ryan?" my silence brought a frown to her angelic face. "Have you seen anyone when you got back?" "No, I saw no one. Why?" She replied. "Nothing." I muttered, feeling a strange urge to go back to sleep at that moment.

Stacey's POV

"Have you seen anyone when you got back?"

I let the words wash through my mind as I leaned against the bedroom's door, trying to compose myself when all I could feel was a surge of anxiety bubbling in my veins. The defeated tone of his, the hypnotized look as if he was talking to someone else and the slightest hint of guilt all brought us back to the crux of matter --a girl named Marissa Copper.

Looking back, I was surprised by the little white lie I told. Sure, it did not hurt anyone, as people always joked about it, but it was then I realized how reluctant I was to let out too much concerning my possible rival. Was it because of jealousy? Or was I afraid of his unanticipated reactions? I couldn't tell. Yet, deep down, I knew without a doubt that I wasn't ready for him to find out that I just met Marissa at the door, at least not now.

After finishing the marathon night-shift, I felt its toll had begun to catch up on me when I was on the way home. My legs were numb and my eyelids were getting heavier as I forced my steps forward. If fate could have it in another way, I would very likely be sleeping soundly in bed with malice being the most bizarre idea that ever invaded my dreams by now. However, the exhaustion which empowered me was clearly no more than a figurative description as I found myself staring at the woman stumbling out of the house, my eyes were as wide opened as they had ever been. And somehow, I knew at once that whatever relaxation plans which I had on mind would have to be postponed, until the brewing curiosity was being fed with much needed information.

I kept my pace light, as if I were a hunter chasing after my prey, and gradually closed the gap between us. Meanwhile, she too acknowledged my presence, and stopped dead in track. She gazed at me with pure wariness, a platter emotion, including embarrassment, curiosity and something I couldn't name spread across her face, revealing how truly uncomfortable she was. Finally, we ended up eyeing each other and for a moment, we let our eyes do the greetings whilst our tongues were tied by awkwardness which threatened to break the tension in between. Without the need to dig deep into the memory, I knew who she was even observing afar. If possible, she seemed to be prettier than all those pictures that Ryan had shown me throughout the years. I wouldn't doubt if they had done her justice for her beauty was far beyond the comprehension of mortal. It was to no surprise then when she flashed a small smile and decided to break the silence since my own sense was deceived by the glow on her face.

"Um, hey, I'm Marissa. Nice to meet you." With a very business-like hand shake, I took it as my cue to introduce myself. "Stacey. Good to see you as well. Ryan talks about you all the time." If tension had not reached pinnacle back then, the mention of his name would have brought perplexity onto an entirely new level.

"So do you want to have some coffee and have a small chat? You know, to get to know each other better maybe." The beginning must have taken her by surprise as she contemplated for a brief moment before replying with a hesitating nod. I motioned her to wait for me on the porch whilst I was getting the coffee we needed. "Make yourself comfortable," I said before disappearing into the house and checked to see that the front door was firmly closed.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"I heard that you guys had a gathering last night, had any fun?"

After setting down two mugs, I sat across her on an armchair whilst my gaze wandered ahead, secretly investigating every little detail on its own. Not a button out of place, her dress slightly wrinkled and was water-stained……

"It was nice. Look, before you get to wonder why I spent the night, it's simply because it was raining heavily last night and Ryan being the gentleman offered to let me stay. Nothing happened," she paused, noticing that she's probably rambling, and repeated the last two words with exaggerated slowness again. One word bore more weight than another, as if making sure I had swallowed all of them.

"Why are you telling me these?" I asked. It was the emphasis of the words that had me gulped with fear, planting the seeds of suspicion which shouldn't exist in the first place.

Because I don't want you to have the wrong impression especially when we're still getting to know each other," she said sincerely. "And also because it's true," she added, sensing that I was still in doubt. Taking a deep breath, I decided to drop the argument for now. We were not friends yet but I did not consider her as my foe either, so let just leave it as that. "I feel like I have known you for long actually," I told her as a sad smile creased my perfectly composed face.

"And why is that?"

"He has always murmured your name in his sleep."


	7. announcement

Author Announcement:

Dear readers,

I am currently on vacation and will not be back until the end of next week. Thanks for all the comments anyway and look out for an update when I get back. I promise I will work on it. =)

Loads of love,

Esther (aka the author of this story)


	8. A surprise for two

**A/N Hello! Here comes an update on the eve of my birthday. Hurray!! I bet there're loads of mistakes but I was in a rush. So really sorry about that. Don't forget to leave a comment! **

Chapter VI A surprise for two

Marissa's POV

"Coop? Are you still on the phone?"

"Yeah. Sorry---where were we?" I could hear the words rolling off my tongue whereas my mind was caught up in the maddest of frenzy in which I was playing two opposite roles spontaneously. A part of me was still cuddling up in bed with Ryan, basking in the kind of bliss that only he could make me feel. Yet, my other half scooted off to the place where it should be, finally coming to a rest in a pair of arms which had kept me accompanied for numerous nights. The colossal task of keeping up with two separated acts was putting my sanity to the test and for the reason alone, I got no attention to spare as Summer's voice buzzed through my ear.

"I just asked you about what happened last night," she said warily. "We had a decent meal and watched The Notebook afterwards. And since it's raining, Jack suggested me staying out for the night so that I didn't have to endure the tough drive. Well, I saw no reason not to comply." I felt like depicting a foreign life that was not my own as I continued to rambled on and on. "That is? Not mind-blowing kiss and stripping of clothes?" she pressed. "Yes---but…" "Good Lord! I just knew it. How can you do this to Jack? Or have you forgotten that you're now engaged?" She shouted into the phone with a tone colored by disapproval. My defense mechanism kicked in at the moment for I refused to be chided for something that I had not done, not intentionally anyway. "Like what? Sleeping around maybe? I thought you're on my side, Sum." I spat back whilst the angry tears were beginning to form at the corners of my eyes.

Silence lingered on for an immeasurable period of time which I could only prayed that it was spent on her account of pondering over the words that I had said. "I am always on your side. It's just…I don't know what to make out of it. So you just sleep through it and nothing happened?" Her mind was clearly still clouded with doubts which sent my ebbing rage firing all over again. Had I been able to forgive Stacey for not buying my feeble claim, I would not have expected my best friend to have the same kind of suspicion in me. Was it impossible to believe that a man and a woman could have simply found comfort in each others' embraces without sleeping together? _But you have close to crossing the line…_

Trying to ignore the voice which appeared like a scoff to my own argument, I only held harder onto the phone without realizing my knuckles had all turned white. "What do you expect really? I thought you knew me long enough to make a comparison of a whore." I let out a heartless laugh. "You know that's not what I mean, Coop. So…no sex?" Her voice still withheld a faint note of uncertainty but no sense of anger could be detected from it. 'No sex," I said, knowing that the fight was over for now.

"Then why are you calling if there's no complication at all?"

"I don't know, Sum. I really don't know what to do," I replied with chagrin. "Trust your heart. I'll be there for you even if it involves kicking Chino's ass or tossing Jack to Greece," she promised before letting go to take care of her "other business". I was waiting for an epiphany to show me what exactly her words meant but nothing came. I broke down then knowing that my search for a clear sign was in vain. After what seemed like forever, the sulky feeling locked up in my chest was drained away by the flow of tears. It was then I decided to leave the lifeguard stand with nothing but confusion encroaching on the mere perception that was left.

Jack's POV

_Seven twenty_, the digital clock on the night stand read. My gaze lazily traveled to the door, a repeat of an action that had kept me occupied for the past few hours or so. But still, the door remained dormant as my thumping heart completed the cycle of accelerating at the faintest noise and deflating due to the idiocy of hoping. For each passing minute, I found my hands getting nearer to the phone which refused to drone until the reflex action was denounced by reasoning and hence retreated to fists. Like every lovebirds, which my friends have always teased about, I held nothing but fear over our separation if only for a few hours. We were seldom apart and my mind was filled completely and only with her image for the rare chances that she was away from my sight. It could, perhaps, explained the ridiculous anxiety which was eating up me at the moment. While I was well aware that I bore part if not whole of the responsibility for the separation as I myself volunteered the idea of her staying out, the decision seemed almost dubious nonetheless. I had no control over the subtle vigilance whatsoever.

I must have fallen asleep when I continued for my wait. It was the delightful ring of the bell which awoke me from the hollow dream. For the life of me, the sound of the door bell couldn't have been more appealing than it had come to be. I almost tripped over the air as my heart leapt with joy. Little did I know that having expectations were doomed to be disappointed, and looking back, it marked the definite moment when I realized the mistake of letting her go, for I was under no illusion that I was about to be buried by restlessness of my own production.

Standing in the doorway was a middle-aged woman adorned with exquisite jewelry, no sign of familiarity rang in my head when her face showed up at the half-opened door. "Hello? You must be Jack. Is Marissa here?" My arms blocked her advance as I leaned against the edge of the door, trying hard to figure her identity out. "Oh, I am being rude. This is Julie Copper by the way. We have talked on the phone before," she said, flashing a crooked smile which bore strong resemblance of Marissa's dazzling kind. I loosened up a bit at her words but not enough to pass for one to be called a cool impression during an encounter with your future mother-in-law.

"She wasn't here but will be back soon. Is there anything I can do for you, Mrs. Cooper?" I offered, feeling both dumb and uncomfortable. "You don't mind if I wait for her inside, do you?" It was clear that no invitation was needed as she stormed into the room at once, staring a monologue on her own. "Actually, I just want to see her before I head to work today. You can't imagine how hard it is squeeze time out from the schedule and meet up with my girl. How long have you guys been here?"

"We arrived four days ago---

"Four days! And she still hasn't as much as paid me a visit, not unless I kidnap her."

"I'm sure she's planning on it--- I said, my voice was a bit louder than necessary.

"It means you don't know her well enough then. Speaking of which, when are you two going to marry?" Her eyes pierced through me, as though I was a specimen to be investigated. "We haven't talked about it," I confessed, knowing there was no satisfactory answer I could give nor would I ever be able to deceive her. "Well, you better start working on it now. I know she's always wanted a fairy tale wedding, one in which surrounded by friends and family. She also has a thing for the beach, you know? So that makes it a sensible decision to be married here." Her face scrunched up in a manner indicative of day-dreaming, or rather, getting lost in the memory which I was not allowed a peek. From the twinkle that danced in her eyes when she delivered her speech, I knew for a fact that she was telling the truth.

As if on cue, Marissa walked in at the very moment and caught the glimpse of her mother just as she turned to face the doorway.

"Mum? What are you dong here?" I wanted to reach out for her but she seemed to be oblivious of my presence.

"I was talking with Jack about your wedding." I thought there was a hint of sarcasm in her voice but I could have wrongly interpreted.

"Since when do I have a wedding?" "I'll tie the knot next month so why not make it a double?" I could only stare at her at her announcement, my throat suddenly went dry. Digging into the memory, I searched hard for the piece of missing information that may fill the blank but to no avail. Glancing at her direction, I met the look of astonishment which mirrored mine.

"But Mum, you don't even have a boyfriend."

"I don't. But you and I are gonna talk now. Can you excuse us for a minute, Jack?"

It was again not a question but rather a command, to which I could only nodded and left the room.


	9. A mighty plan

**A/N There're numerous excuses which I can cite to explain the delay but they are simply words anyhow and fail to lessen my guilt. While I don't want to make empty promises concerning the regularity of posts, I will try to make an update as frequent as possible. Thanks for the understanding & support, your kind words are delights of life. Not much is going on for the time being but action will be in store soon. Enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: I do not possess any of the characters.**

Chapter VII A mighty plan

She really hated her mom… It wasn't a mere sarcasm nor was it a rash statement that popped up out of the blue. The rage and shock which had been disguised perfectly as moodiness attributed to the gloomy weather now threatened to make their presences known, causing a shiver to run down her spine. The unbridled anger was another reason she detested herself so much for it was within her mom's calculation. Despite knowing her vile intention to manipulate emotions, Marissa had no hold on the imprecation that was hanging on her lips and she could only comply to being infuriated whilst surrendering to the thought of doing the otherwise with a sigh. What was the use of denying her fuming anger when it was the last thing that held a fraction of truth? It would have been a lie had she expected the visit to be purely social in nature- as that was why she had been dreading to set a foot at the Cooper's household- her imagination has never strayed into the area of something as evil.

The words swirling around in her mind had become so much clearer now that she did not have to concentrate to get them right. It all started when Julie had evacuated the room so that they could talk in private, what an omen it seemed.

"What are you talking about when you said you're getting married?" Marissa inquired, her tone dripped with curiosity. "You heard me, it means exactly as the words suggest. Honey, do you think I should wear the gown from Valentino or Giambattista Valli? The gleam flashed in the orbs was too real to pass for a show. "Oh come on, you at least have to tell me who the groom is." Marissa whined, cocked an eyebrow as her mind was busy processing information that may lead her to the secrets Julie Copper was hiding. "Well, there is a man-who you cannot possibly have heard of-that I met at a party moths ago and we kind of just hit it off. He is 21st century's Clark Gable, you know. " She started off sounding evasive but soon became comfortable with filling her daughter in with the new found excitement, as if possessed by the power of love. "You are marrying a stranger? You are not pregnant, are you?" For a moment, neither said anything and it was after the phase of initial shock did Marissa retrieve the ability of speaking.

"Oh my God, you're unbelievable…" She stepped back abruptly. She did not want to think lesser of her mom but facts seemed to go against her wish. It reached a point in which knowledge and experiences did not help in the slightest to tell the distinctive nature of a person. Together they gave way to delusion which displaced familiarity that was once in place. In a flicker of consciousness, she found herself heading towards the door which is but an indication of her abhorrence to stay in a room with a woman she no longer knew.

"Wait-Marissa," she paused dramatically and only after making sure that she had her attention did she continue. "I'm not asking for your approval but it will make the day all the more special if we say our vows together. It's gonna be the biggest even of the year. Imagine the attention it'll get." "It's all about the spotlight, isn't it? Have you thought about what I want?" "What do you want then?" Julie said languidly. "I don't want any of this. Not a dime about it," she chided, in a barely audible voice which was rather a response to the struggle in her mind.

"So you don't want to marry Jack. Oh God, I just knew it. No wonder why you didn't even bother to introduce him to me." Julie gasped at the thought that occurred to her for the first time. "No," Marissa answered almost immediately. The lack of hesitation did not escape Julie's notice, if anything, it was the petrified expression on her face that had betrayed her attempt of conviction. Her discomfort was also evident in the blush creeping to her cheeks. Was it because of shame? Or was it simply attributed to the skeptical gaze? Neither gave Julie better access to what Marissa was thinking but either way, the prolonged silence assured her that she had hit a nerve.

A plan quickly formulated in her mind as the subtle grew more pronounced. "What now, Mom?" Marissa grimaced, her strained voice indicative of being perturbed by the creepy chuckle.

"I know you and I didn't have the kind of ideal relationship but all I wish is for you to be happy. If you are having second thoughts, why rush to make a commitment when you're not ready?"

Marissa sighed, clearly taken back by the sudden change of the tone from uncanny to somewhat of a motherly one. "It's easy for you to say but you just can't break up with someone when he had done nothing wrong. The fault is all mine and he doesn't deserve to be treated this way." She adverted her gaze to the floor for fear the consequences now that she had let out more than she intended.

"So you just need an excuse. That can be easily taken care of. I can frame him in a concupiscent scandal or create some kind of hit-and-run accident that sends him away. You will be free by then."

By the time Julie had done with describing her plans. Marissa could only gawk at her as if an alien language was being spoken, blood was drained away from her face. "Please tell me you are kidding. I'm not a criminal and neither are you."

"It's a small price to pay compared to your happiness." Julie shrugged. And with that, a facetious play had officially come to an end. A tragedy, however, just reached the stage, waiting in the shade to torment the characters who were oblivious of their roles in the fateful tale.


	10. A thin line between dream & reality

**A/N: I know I am late as no one probably even cares about this story anymore. But it really took me some effort to get this up, so please give it a go. This chapter can be viewed as a filler. Good stuff comes to those who wait. ;) Don't forget to leave a review. Thanks.**

Chapter VIII A Thin Line Between Dream and Reality

A film of perspiration clung to her spine and gradually radiated out to fill her skin pores with heat that lingered on long after she had attained consciousness. The soaking nightgown enveloped her struggle to break away from the bad dream liked a spider web and pulled her into a deeper slumber. Despite her current incoherent state, the eerie clarity of the dream did not escape from her notice: A svelte figure turned her back against the illuminated pathway that would lead her home. Sobs threatened to swallow up her sanity whilst her shoulders heaved in synchronization with the flow of emotion. Stacey found her gaze glued to the womanly contour which was too familiar to go unnoticeable – at least her sad blue eyes said as much- they seemed to be pleading with her, yet at the same time chiding her for something unbeknownst to either of them. Much like their brief encounter days ago, Stacey could only stare as her own tongue was tied into a knot.

The haunting melancholy reflected in the penetrating gaze had brought a new round of nausea that triggered a scream off her throat. In the heat of the frantic outburst, Stacey grabbed the object nearby for support as though it was the only anchor in the angry sea. An audible "outch" followed by a murmur of curse could be heard from the background. Feeling a tug at her arm, which seemed desperate to free her from being the prisoner of her imagination, Stacey could not decide whether she was truly awake.

"Stacey? Stacey!" Ryan flicked on the light to get a better look of his girlfriend. God, she had held onto his arm like it was the end of the world, so rigidly that it did not only wake him but also highlighted his protective instincts.

He watched as her petrified face came to life under the soft glow of the light, and for an instant, it stirred something deep inside him as the unfolding sight bore a striking resemblance to the girl in the wreck of a car crash from another era. "It's just a bad dream," he cooed, whilst lifting a few strands of hair off her flushed cheeks. But still, there was no response. Panic rushed in then as Ryan felt the wheels in his mind turning and the last of his sleep leaving, he searched in vain for the right words to break the spell. "Come on, honey. Talk to me," he begged.

"Don't go. Stay with me. Sta-" she repeated it over and over like it was a mantra to keep herself from perishing.

Minutes, perhaps hours had passed since the last exchange of words. There was nothing but the faint roaring of air –conditioner that filled their eardrums.

With her empty orbs fixing upon the ceiling, Stacey spoke in a low voice almost undistinguishable from the quiet chant of machine.

"I want to go and have some fresh air."

"All right, I will have the windows opened," he hesitated, obviously caught by surprise.

It was as though the words that left her lips had now formed a layer of mist between them, clouded his mind and denied his access to what was happening at the other end of the air that surrounded.

"No, I am going for a drive," she said, corrected her misunderstood statement by shaking her head. "But it's like, midnight. Why don't you tell me what happened instead?" He attempted to reach her but his fingers recoiled to a fist upon her determined look.

"At least, let me drive-" he pled, sounding defeated even to his ears.

"I need to be alone for a while, that's all."

The words lingered in the room, mingled with a sense of despair long after she had made her departure which caused the door to come to a stud.

He might later reason with himself that there was nothing which he could have done since her mind was all made up. What he could not admit was, however, an entire different and far more selfish motive. It was but an act to protect his ego by not putting up for a fight. After all, what could it achieve by succumbing to the realization that his pleads, probably even his presence, meant nothing to her? He learnt long ago that love could not conquer all. This sobering fact didn't bring any comfort to his scattered heart though.

He banged his fist on the door. She retreated. He shouted. She sniffled. It was a routine that had been picked up since the eventful day when Julie Cooper came to visit. At first, it was as if they were back to the days when their relationship was yet to begin. Both were hesitated to open up themselves and always bore a sense of formality when they were in the same room. It wasn't until three months did this spying-and-teasing-each-other kind of game come to an end as Jack made his move by officially asking her out. Jack, however, noticed that the shadow of pretense had never been truly lifted throughout their time together. It was made more pronounced by the lack of emotional inputs when she recounted her childhood and high school days, which still held so much mystery to him even they were, for a lack of a better word, engaged. Just a mere mention of the last word brought a smile to his face. _Engaged_, how blissful it sounded.

There was nothing that could possibly prepare himself for the present situation though. Neither horoscope nor self-help books had the answer for Jack as he contemplated on how to reconnect with the woman he loved.

"I'm fine." she would mumble when he tried to get her to talk. It had something to do with Julie and their conversation, he gauged but never had the courage to testify due to the loose interpretation of "boundary" that guarded their respective private spaces.

Tonight turned out to be quite different as fate seemed to have its own will.

He found Marissa sitting on the bed with a bottle of Vodka in hand when he came back from grocery shopping. Strangely, he thought of a frozen statue in the cemetery as he studied her face, which seemed to be unmoved by the passing time.

"Can I sit with you?" he asked timidly, as though he was expecting a rejection. He let out a frustrating sigh when she made no inviting gesture.

"This is getting absurd. What's the point of getting married if we are not even talking?" Her eyes widened in alarm at his choice of words. Jack had obviously caught the somewhat reflective response.

He softened his tone before continued. "Is it what you fear? Tying the knot, I mean. I know your mum has suggested the otherwise but we can always wait. I, for one, am content in knowing that we'll reach that stage sooner or later. It doesn't have to be now if you're not ready."

"It's not that, Jack. I think…we needabreak." He felt a sudden panic. Surely, he had heard her wrong. It did not make sense at all. "What did you just say?" he swallowed hard but was surprised at how calm he sounded.

"We need a break." She dared not face him, the courage she mustered was clearly not as much as she thought. "You don't know what you're saying," said Jack, feeling himself begin to sweat. "I am sorry…"

In a desperate attempt to get out from the danger of surrendering, he pointed an accusing finger to her. "For Christ's sake, you are not even sober. How much have you drunk?"

"It's not the wine. And don't you ever use that tone with me." Jack straightened up from his position and headed towards the door. He planted a kiss on her forehead before making his exit.

"Sleep well. I am going to buy you some aspirins, baby."


End file.
